There are fewer joys in parenting than the day your child graduates from glass-shattering screamer to rudimentary talker. Hearing that first "mama" or "dada" virtually eliminates any feeling of rage toward the abstract art on the sofa, tastefully done in exciting red Sharpie.
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For us, it took a bit longer than usual for our little Liam to utter those first words, choosing instead to focus on training for leading athletic events such as the glass table climb, the chandelier Tarzan swing, and banana throwing for distance. (Nfl scouts take note.) But things started to change when he turned 18 months - words suddenly started flowing out of his mouth. Actual words! In English! (And some in Chinese too thanks to Ni-Hao Kai-Lan.) Liam's vocabulary has progressed so rapidly over the past few months that I've stopped counting the estimate of words he knows. But, a few stand out for distinct comical reasons, and since comedy is job one here at The Mainland, I now proudly gift the top four words of 2011 according to my son, Liam.
Educational Baby Toys
1. Poop
The Top 4 Words of 2011 according to My 1-Year-Old
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Potty training has to be the biggest pain in the butt (pun intended) when it comes to parenting. With today's developed diaper technology, babies and toddlers are all too happy to roll around in their excrement as if it were their own personal Play-Doh. Thriving toilet instruction requires that kids no ifs ands or buts feel like crap (again, pun intended) when they dirty themselves. Thankfully, Liam at this early age has begun to pick up on this despite the "super, ultra, fantastically dry" diapers he currently menaces around in. When he's had a movement, he'll rush over to one of us, giddy upping his behind as if it was a bronco while yelling "Poop! Poop!" Brings a tear to my eye every time.
2. Teeth
I don't know what they're putting in Colgate these days, but Liam obsessively loves brushing his teeth. He can't discontinue a singular meal without shrieking "Teeth!" followed by a militaristic march upstairs toward the bathroom and his little Bear toothbrush. Did I mention he's not even 2? This has me seriously thinking that the American Dental association has him under some sort of mind control.
3. Eat
When your kid can only scream instead of talk, it can be exceptionally frustrating trying to decipher what it is that he wants. Had sufficient of the "Loco Legs" part of Fresh Beat Band? Time for ottoman diving practice? As we have come to learn, ordinarily he is just plain hungry; and let me tell you, this kid can eat! A typical meal might consist of a plate of spaghetti, half a dozen (organic) chicken nuggets, most of an apple, and perhaps a banana; and that's before he wants what every person else is eating! Being able to finally say "eat" has made things so much easier. I just wish he wasn't saying it every 15 minutes.
4. Stuck
Liam is one of those curious, adventurous types that has a constant need to get in, on, over, and under everything. He also started training for the Olympic 100-yard dash at about 10 months old, creating a mixture that could only lead to one thing...disaster! Where's Liam? Oh, there he is, with his hand stuck in the bathroom cup dispenser again. What's that noise coming from the hall? Oh, it's just Liam stuck inside the toy box with the lid closed. I am quite distinct that "stuck" was no ifs ands or buts the first word he ever spoke after hearing us say it so many times. Now, Liam routinely gets "stuck" whenever he's put in the car seat, stroller, high chair, crib, or the arms of anything not named Mommy.
Honorable Mentions
Some of my family's other favorite words consist of shoes, socks, apple, chocolate, and bees. He's also started telling knock-knock jokes. Yes, you read that correctly. Personally, I'm retention my vote until he says, "Guess what, I just signed a 0 million covenant with the Yankees!" When that happens, I'll be the one yelling "Poop!"
What fun words have your kids just learned how to say?
The Top 4 Words of 2011 according to My 1-Year-Old
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